Overcoming Obstacles

This morning felt like I was a soldier to be send off for war. Wearing my game face, armored with a braveheart and mind filled with anxiety. 

"There is no way I'm gonna lose this war without a fight. No way."

I was also able to talk to my sister and mom. And like any other family member, there support and love was 1000% as ever. 

"No way she's gonna lose this fight. I believe in her."

The day is just starting and there I was, in the battlefield. Composed and gracious and more importantly, grounded.

"There is nothing you can say or do that can ever make me feel bad or down or worthless. Nothing."

First hoorah just finished and it felt like It only just began. 

It will not matter whether I win or lose this war. What matters most is the will to try. 

Aja! Aja! Fighting! 

Shift Happens #MondayMurders

I feel like I don't deserve this
What did I do that made this happen?
Why me? 
Why now? 
It was out of control
What a mess
Shit happens

Shift happened
I feel like we get the life we deserve (the best)
What can I do to make things happen?
What is it in me? 
What now? 
I am in control of the results in my life
I am a miracle

I am more than happy to say that I will end Monday with a smile on my face, a faithful heart and strong will. I have conquered the negative thoughts that has been dominating my mind for the last few hours. I am powerful over the circumstances in my life. I am, I can. 

#MondayMurders

Stop and Smile :)

Today has been a hard day at work and it is timely that upon checking my former blog I was able to read a post on my grandmother again and suddenly I feel lighter and more inspired. All is well. All is well. 

I miss and love you Lola. Yes, I can do this! Thank you for being the reason for my smile today. 

Take care in Heaven! :)

08.14.2012

The Last Week was the hardest week I've had since Day 1 of 2012. I was lost, got trapped in a place that seemed to be familiar. I got caught up with a lot of irrelevant issues in my present life. I was stranded in the idea that i will be okay eventually if i just let it pass but then i loss that one person who gives me hope, "fuel", love, life and even inspired the name my mom gave me. - My Lola Lucilla.

My dearest Lolabear 

 It was an hour past Sunday midnight, my sisters woke me up to inform me of the saddest news one can ever get. I cried and cried and ignored the rest of them. Then i stopped i got up and worked my ass off until the next day. I was even able to grab some drinks with my team at a bar in front of our office. I figured I'd be okay for a while if i give myself some time to deny what happened. (Grievance Phase 1: In Denial). I was on this Phase for a week until the day of the burial.

I was not able to tell even my closest friends about it. To be honest, up to this date i still don't want to talk about what happened. And if you are will ask me, how am i? Well, I am trying to be okay. I am trying to get by each day. Trying to determine what i will do now that i lost that one person that really matters, that one person that i look up to, that one person to whom i dedicated my life's struggles and  success. She was indeed, the fuel in my fire, the wind beneath my wings. I miss her so much. ;(  I have no regrets. I know i was able to show my grannybear how i love her. How i adore her love to my lolo. How i admire her being family oriented. I just. I still can't accept that she left us too soon. She left me at the moment where i needed her most.

But more than myself, I am concerned about my lolo. I can really feel that he lost more than half of himself. They have been together since they were teenagers. It was a fixed marriage. Their love for each other grew from their understanding that they want to build a better life for them and their future family. And so since then, they never left each other's side. They fought through each life's battle and conquered them all. It was an epic love story. They are the reason why i strongly believe in Love and in Happy Endings.

Their TV Exposure at Will Time Big Time

"Till death do they part"

On the Day of the Burial. I accompanied my lolo from the La Funenaria to the Holy Cross Memorial Park. I held his hand and gave him my hanky. I do not know what to tell him. I just, i want to be there for him. He told me he wants me to speak for him in front of our friends and families before we bid goodbye to Lola. He told me that he wants to let everyone know that his and Lola's Love for their families will never ever change. That even though they were not able to contribute anything due to lack of money, their love for both clans will stay as long as they live. Then i hugged him and asked him to try to smile. "Kaya natin to Lolo. :) Picture tayo." (Haha, Kabaliwan)

SMILE :)

In that moment, I have realized that we can get through anything as long as we and our family our together. Our Love for each other will overcome all the disappointments, failures, or whatever struggle there may be. We may not be sure how to move forward without Lola. But we can start, "With a Smile". J Knowing that our Lola is in a better place now. As the father from her burial mass said, In heaven there is no sadness nor death, no sickness nor poverty. All we have to do now is thank her for the gift of life, for the caring and for the everlasting love she provided us.

2012: On my 21st Birthday

My Love is my Power

You are what you decide to be

Sad
Happy
Angry
Hurt
Discontented
Grateful
Loved
Proud
Awesome
Talented
Loner
Weirdo
Bitch

As cliche as it may be, its true, that we can be anyone who we want to be. Regardless of your financial capacity, status quo, degree, grades, etc., we are the sole dictator of our own, real life labels. We can get to be someone we think we are. That itself is power. 

What more if you acknowledge it? Take good use of it and bring results in your life? 

What more if you embrace it with all your heart, your soul, your might. 

I believe all of us our powerful, talented and worthy. And I hope you, yes you, finds the light that will spark the fire burning in your heart and do what you are born to do. 

Choose wisely. Happy Powerful, Awesome Monday! :)

Golden Words from a Golden Girl

Sharing with you the love and inspiration I have gotten from this woman of golden age and wisdom. 

I have known her since 2002 but only enjoyed being with her since 2010 when I stayed at her place when her roommate left for New Zealand. 

She was my second mom, a very good friend and adviser. 

She was the mother of one of my bestfriends. I call her "Titabear". 

She raised a good man that became my bestfriend. 

A mother, a teacher, a lover, a banker and businesswoman. She is beauty and love personified. And she is not hesitant to share it with the world. 

Below are a collection of her messages, notes and reminders to a young girl who i thriving to have a career. 

i.

Rule # 1: Love your job

Rule # 2: Know your job- Put extra effort/ research extent of your work

Rule # 3: Know the people around you from top to bottom of your department in top management at least. Research but not through tsika and tsismis.

Rule # 4: Put a happy face always choose to be happy all the time. Smile a lot not halakhak.

Rule # 5: Be polite and courteous not only to your bosses but to everybody

Rule # 6: Be grateful and thankful all the time

Rule # 7; Don't pretend to know everything. There is nothing wrong is asking questions.

Rule # 8: Be diligent and hardworking

Rule # 9: Don't participate in tsismis or quarrels among employees

Rule # 10: Respect your co-workers do not bypass your immediate supervisor

Most importantly, BE A BLESSING TO YOUR WORKPLACE AS YOU DESIRE YOUR WORK TO BE A BLESSING TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

GOD IS IN CONTROL KAYA AYOS TO!

ii.

Never look for love. Just fall in love. 

iii.

Pag pray mo work mo ha kasi if you are not happy sa working environment mo and meron kang resentment hindi ka magiging effective and efficient worker baka you need to move on and look for another job

iv.

Keep on praying for strength, joy and provisions to God. Be good and safe baby bear.

Mad, Passionate Love at its Finest

In the spirit of light and love, I would like to share to you something that I have read years ago and kept to myself since then. 

This article touched my soul deeply. I highlighted my favorite lines. Author is unknown. But maybe He/she is a genius or something. Or maybe just a simple loving person. or maybe a fellow who is crazy in love. or maybe just someone who experienced love at its best. 

Oh well, Oh life, Oh love. 

HOMILY OF LOVE

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. However, when you find a new love, you may view it as a teacher. 

In the game of love, it does not really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go.

You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy.

Even if it means you’re not a part of it.

Everything happens for the best. If the person you love does not love you back, do not be afraid to love someone again, for you’ll never know unless you give it a try.

You will never love a person unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you do not get hurt, you do not learn how to love. Love does not hurt all the time. However, the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.

Do not find love, let love find you. That is why it is called falling in love because you do not force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.

If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It’s a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lost someone we love when we are destined to find someone elsewho can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

On falling in love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. Nevertheless, do not ever make the same mistakes of riding the same one who threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejection; to love is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. However, a risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self: to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love: fall but not stumble, be constant, but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime.

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. However, sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt in the end.

Loving people means giving them the freedom that they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that these were the things that helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you will experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why.

If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk, if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love coz everytime we do, we get hurt, then I figured that it is called falling in love.

Whatever happened, don’t give up! It is just a trial. After all God will not give you a trial that you can’t handle. 

Have faith in yourself and cheer up. No matter what happens.

When you decide to love, allow it to grow. When you promise to love refuse to let it die.

* I almost cried when I read this. It was beautiful. Love is beautiful.