Stop and Smile :)

Today has been a hard day at work and it is timely that upon checking my former blog I was able to read a post on my grandmother again and suddenly I feel lighter and more inspired. All is well. All is well. 

I miss and love you Lola. Yes, I can do this! Thank you for being the reason for my smile today. 

Take care in Heaven! :)

08.14.2012

The Last Week was the hardest week I've had since Day 1 of 2012. I was lost, got trapped in a place that seemed to be familiar. I got caught up with a lot of irrelevant issues in my present life. I was stranded in the idea that i will be okay eventually if i just let it pass but then i loss that one person who gives me hope, "fuel", love, life and even inspired the name my mom gave me. - My Lola Lucilla.

My dearest Lolabear 

 It was an hour past Sunday midnight, my sisters woke me up to inform me of the saddest news one can ever get. I cried and cried and ignored the rest of them. Then i stopped i got up and worked my ass off until the next day. I was even able to grab some drinks with my team at a bar in front of our office. I figured I'd be okay for a while if i give myself some time to deny what happened. (Grievance Phase 1: In Denial). I was on this Phase for a week until the day of the burial.

I was not able to tell even my closest friends about it. To be honest, up to this date i still don't want to talk about what happened. And if you are will ask me, how am i? Well, I am trying to be okay. I am trying to get by each day. Trying to determine what i will do now that i lost that one person that really matters, that one person that i look up to, that one person to whom i dedicated my life's struggles and  success. She was indeed, the fuel in my fire, the wind beneath my wings. I miss her so much. ;(  I have no regrets. I know i was able to show my grannybear how i love her. How i adore her love to my lolo. How i admire her being family oriented. I just. I still can't accept that she left us too soon. She left me at the moment where i needed her most.

But more than myself, I am concerned about my lolo. I can really feel that he lost more than half of himself. They have been together since they were teenagers. It was a fixed marriage. Their love for each other grew from their understanding that they want to build a better life for them and their future family. And so since then, they never left each other's side. They fought through each life's battle and conquered them all. It was an epic love story. They are the reason why i strongly believe in Love and in Happy Endings.

Their TV Exposure at Will Time Big Time

"Till death do they part"

On the Day of the Burial. I accompanied my lolo from the La Funenaria to the Holy Cross Memorial Park. I held his hand and gave him my hanky. I do not know what to tell him. I just, i want to be there for him. He told me he wants me to speak for him in front of our friends and families before we bid goodbye to Lola. He told me that he wants to let everyone know that his and Lola's Love for their families will never ever change. That even though they were not able to contribute anything due to lack of money, their love for both clans will stay as long as they live. Then i hugged him and asked him to try to smile. "Kaya natin to Lolo. :) Picture tayo." (Haha, Kabaliwan)

SMILE :)

In that moment, I have realized that we can get through anything as long as we and our family our together. Our Love for each other will overcome all the disappointments, failures, or whatever struggle there may be. We may not be sure how to move forward without Lola. But we can start, "With a Smile". J Knowing that our Lola is in a better place now. As the father from her burial mass said, In heaven there is no sadness nor death, no sickness nor poverty. All we have to do now is thank her for the gift of life, for the caring and for the everlasting love she provided us.

2012: On my 21st Birthday